GOING OUT TO EAT WITH WHITE FOLKS PART 1

Ayo what's good good?  it's that nigguh Brickjaw aka Don Smack Diggums, that nigguh that tames lions with his mind, back again to share some thoughts and break bread wit ya'll.  yo son, I try not to hate anything in life, nah mean?  There might be a whole bunch of shit and stupid peanut headed ass nigguhs I got a strong distaste for, but I don’t hate none of them.  It ain’t that serious b.  For really real tho, you can’t be keeping that hate in your heart or you just gon end up another sorry ass nigguh like the rest of these sorry ass nigguhs out here, feel me slime?  Shit jus ain't healthy to be feeling like that, but sometimes you just got some real fuckin lames around you that just don't get it.  nigguhs that just can't get right and don't go with the program, they be tryin the shit outta you all day.  sometimes they can't help it, it's just how they is and it ain't never gon change.  see that's why i'm here today, to try and drop some tips, those god life essentials that some nigguhs be lackin that got their life game all fucked up.  First off, lemme go on and get this out the way.  i love my white folks, i love my white friends, but goddamn you pale nigguhs be gettin on my last nerve sometimes.  for real b.  like trying to go out to eat with my white friends is always a muthafuckin nightmare b, first the place gotta have a gluten free menu, then these cloud nigguhs start talmbout "well i had sushi for lunch, but i'm still craving it!", then you white folks wanna change up your order all crazy and shit, like they order a sandwich without 3/4 of what comes on it and add four or five more things to it and then substitute both of their sides and shit, nigguh just eat the goddamn hoagie!  matter fact, i can't believe they actually let a nigguh eat somewhere that serves hoagies, muh'fuckin white folks always wanna take a nigguh to some gordon ramsay fuckin place that serves all kinda uppity snobby bullshit where you order the meat loaf and the shit comes out lookin like a college lesbian bitches conceptual art project b, then they got the nerve to charge you 45 muthafuckin bones for that shit.  fuck outta here my nigguh, i ate that whole andy warhol lookin so called meat loaf dish and still had to hit up the wendy's drive thru on my way home to get full.  shit was hardly even a child's serving slime.  no shit my nigguh, i started packing peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and stashing them shits inside my avirex when i go out to eat with these snow nigguhs.  it's that crucial b.  anyway, i'm gon expand on a few more points about how white people are the wackest nigguhs on earth to go out and eat with.  

1.  White folks LOVE to overtip.  i don't mean they love to tip, i mean white folks feel obligated to drop a mortgage payment on they server at P.F. Changs.  it's insanity b.  ya'll really got cake like that huh?  damn nigguh, must be nice. 

2.  White folks, stop trying to speak spanish to the mexican waiter.  trust me b, you ain't doin it right.  Esteban thinks you sound silly as fuck, your accent ain't right and your enunciation is all fucked up my nigguh.  Esteban has so much disdain for your pasty fajita eatin, margarita sippin ass it's comical.  and you got the nerve to not even clean your plate when you know damn well that esse probably from Hounduras and not Mexico and had to make his way here through a hellish journey that took months and months, hoppin trains and shit, prolly had a few of his nigguhs get killed in the process, travellin' all through latin america, outrunning border patrol and having to crawl through sewage tunnels and shit just to make his way to the states and get a job at a mexican restaurant where he makes more in one week than he did in three months back in honduras and your fluorescent ass comes in with your perfect 10 blonde girlfriend in crocs and a notre dame t-shirt ordering tex mex plates and maragaritas and spoutin out some shit you heard in spanish II class, but with the confidence of one of them vato loco nigguhs from that movie blood in blood out and you can't even finish all your rice and beans?  nigguh fuck you.

3.  for some reason, when white folks eat with you in public, they think it's this special time where they need to name drop all black related musicians, writers, entertainers, activists that they've ever googled.  alot of white folks think they have to talk about 90s hip hop and tyler perry movies and shit in order for nigguhs to approve of them.  it's insulting as fuck b.  on one hand it's like, yo chill lil buddy, i really don't give a fuck that you now every lyric to illmatic, but also on the other hand it's like, why do you know more about maya angelou than i do?  nigguh i swear you googled her name and studied her wikipedia page before we went out to eat, like you expected me to stump you with maya angelou trivia or some shit or i would end our friendship if you didn't know who she was.  listen up b, i don't just assume all white folks know every aspect about the life and times of martin scorcese so why the fuck do you think every nigguh alive is the head of the spike lee fan club?  fuck out my face with that shit b.

aight ya'll, that's all i'm gon drop on you for now.  like i said this is annoying as fuck, but you just gotta learn to live with it cuz there ain't much you can do bout it nah mean?  I ain't one of these crazy nigguhs that just don't fuck with white folks at all, that's some ignorant ass shit b.  They just not all the way there with it, they can't help it, but you do need to let these snowball nigguhs know when they fuckin up the churches money, feel me?