Ayo what it do peoples? What’s the math? What’s the word? It’s ya boy Brickjaw the muthafuckin’ Lion Tamer, sometimes known as Guacamole Pockets or The Black Charles Bronson aka the overseer of all things wavey aka Da Mayor of Slime City USA nah mean? It’s another beautiful muthafuckin’ day in the hood my G. Now I’m just gon be real witch ya’ll cuz I’m not here to drop my usual nuggets of knowledge, but to review an album my nigguh Cas One just dropped, like this muhfucka is hot off the presses. First off, I don’t really fucks with this nigguhs music, matter of fact, this nigguh ain’t even a nigguh tho, he a white boy, I been told his shit is on some super white guy hippity hoppity shit, but The Jaw don’t hate. Good music is good music b. 2nd, just cuz this white nigguh is my nigguh don’t mean ima be biased and be ridin this white nigguhs dick and give his shit 16 out of 10 or some lame shit like that, I ain’t Pitchfork b, fuck outta here. The Jaw promises to keep this shit one hunnid through and through, feel me slime? Aight now that I don got that shit out the way let’s get into this muthafuckin album, CAS ONE-Monster and The Wishing Well (that’s some real wiggity whiteboy shit right there son, but I’ma be fair)
1. Long Walk
Aight this shit is already starting off with some somber acoustic shit that ain’t feeding my wavy meter, but I’m like 3 seconds into the joint so ima be patient. For real tho slime, this is some Goo Goo Dolls unplugged shit coming through my speakers right now. Ok, dude got that generic whiteboy rapper voice, all them nigguhs that don’t be doing that silly eminem accent bullshit sound just like this, like they got a cold and mad boogers caked up in both they nostrils and sound just like the captain on the airplane over the intercom and shit right before take off when they tell you to turn yo cellphone off and buckle up your seat belt, that’s what all white rappers sound like. Shit ain’t bad or nothing, it’s just foreign to me. It’s like a nigguh coming up to me in the middle of the day and saying “The speed limit in the capital of Poland is 25 mph” Thankyou my nigguh, but I have no idea what to do with that information, well this song is a lot like that
2. The Get Down
Aight i’m coming to terms now with the fact that there ain’t gon be no Jadakiss or Vado features on this muthafucka, the first five seconds of this song cemented that fact into my muthafuckin’ brain b. Like Rick Ross ain’t about to jack this instrumental for a freestyle for his next mixtape nah mean? Iss okay tho, The Jaw can still find some enjoyment in this shit. Damn son, the track already over? Aight well that was short, but on to the next one.
3. Chasing Greatness
Once again this shit ain’t really my lane, but this joint do got some slap to it. Homie Cas One doing his thing, he got a good flow over the beat and shit, I’m feeling this joint. That chubby nigguh Wick-it, my other nigguh who ain’t really a nigguh tho cuz he white, but still a nigguh cuz he my nigguh is featured on this track and hes holding this bitch down to, scratchin his chubby muthafuckin ass off b. Wait, what? This muthafucka is already over too? Damn son, what’s with these short ass songs?
4. Never Runner
Aight son, we just hit our first wiggity whiteboy joint. Like this shit is the polar opposite of a Gucci Mane track, it don’t get no further from trap shit than this. For real b, this song is the antichrist of ignorant nigguh music. If you tried to sell drugs to this your packs would magically turn into a pair of beats by dre, a mac book, and a cup of coffee from your local coffee shop on songwriters night b….no joke. This is the soundtrack to white couples breaking up and then blogging about the shit.
5. Cold Spell
Aye Slime, this is some like “I’m gonna rise above the adversity and persevere” shit. In nigguh music we call it “the struggle track” Homie did go the eminem route and used the somber piano as the main basis of the melody, but it’s all good cuz this joint is actually pretty dope. I’m feeling this chorus too slime, I’m mean it’s still white as fuck, like get together with your whole family on Christmas and watch Miracle on 34th St. wearing some ugly ass sweaters your grandmother knitted for you in the retirement home you dumped her crusty senile ass in, but you gonna wear the ugly sweater anyway to show you care and shit and even if you were just gonna throw it in the garbage cuz your uppity ass mother-in-law is making you wear it because you gotta take the photo for the Christmas card in an hour (yeah, nigguhs don’t do that).
6. Vultures
Ayo son, this beat is kinda bumpin tho. I still think I got eyedea rapping to me with influenza over an intercom, but damn son, not only is he ridin this beat like a beast, but this beat is fuckin hard slime. The 2nd nigguh rapping on this joint definitely got busy. So far, I could listen to this shit a few times more, this definitely got some head nod appeal, ya heard?
7. Rabbit Named Wolf
I guess this is sons inspirational track and shit, like he talmbout self confidence a lot and being all you can be and shit. White folks love that and need shit like that all the time. They got their anxiety disorders and shit and being all frail and what not, whatever whatever. The Jaw don’t know nothing bout all that, but it’s good to have positive dudes like this out there making feel good white dude music for the rail thin malnourished looking hipster dudes that wear scarfs in the summertime and shit. Black folks got Chuck D, white folks got Cas One.
8. Out of The Light
Yo son this is some straight up weirdo sounding shit. Like this is what they play in the Apple factory while the robot workers are assembling macbooks for the fluorescent masses. Seriously b, you nigguhs remember that movie TOYS with Robin Williams and LL Cool J, you could play this song on loop through the whole 90 minutes of that movie and it would fit perfectly. Imagine the two nigguhs from Daft Punk building a computer, what would the music to that sound like? This song my nigguh.
TOYS my nigguh, you remember it.
9. I Am What I Am
Yo I can see white bitches doing tons of drugs to this shit and acting all retarded slime. How is this shit not on the radio b? I didn’t say I was gonna roll thru the hood in my whip with the windows down blasting this shit, I’m just sayin I could see a ton of stupid dumbass blonde bitches with this shit on their playlist doing bag after bag of stepped on blow driving around in their prius, shopping for sundresses and Eskimo boots, and gentrifying the shit out of a used to be poor neighborhood. For real b, this song could be huge.
10. Strutbounce
Confession time folks, I actually skipped this song cuz I been drinking on a pint of Jose Cuervo while peeping this album out and decided to listen to this instead:
11. Empty Nest
Yo after listening to that Vado track, this shit feels like I just hit a muthafuckin DUI stop, I mean the shit ain’t garbage or nothing, but fam, it’s so far from that wave I’m trying to be on right now it’s not even funny. I don’t have shit to say about it.
12. Reasons
Fuck….nigguh, that fix of Vado was like the worst shit I coulda done while tryna finish this shit. For real holmes, this song is like his love song and it ain’t no Renegades b. Like this is that shit that white dude who writes love letters on his mac book to his secret crush and then deletes them with the quickness because he starts to feel awkward inside listens to when he’s alone. Like this shit is black rimmed glasses with no prescription rap. This is talking about how the dust pops in vinyl actually enhances the sound rap. This shit is eating sushi five times a week rap. This shit is gluten free rap straight up my nigguhs.
13. Into The Dark
Son the amount of Gucci Mane and Styles P albums ima have to listen to just to get back to normal from this shit is phenomenal b. i won’t even be able to listen to shit I like, just straight up ignorant retarded shit, like I’m be forced to listen to HOOD NIGGA by Gorilla Zoe 23 hours out of the day for the next two weeks just to keep myself in shape.
14. Opiates
Yo Slime, I ain’t gon lie. I may have popped a valium and a couple percocets while listening to this shit, but yo. YO, this is not the sound of opiates b. I dunno what kinda opiates this nigguh been puttin in his gullet, but this shit ain’t that opiate wave son. For example, I don’t fuck with dudes music, but this is more that opiate route:
Fuck….nigguh, that fix of Vado was like the worst shit I coulda done while tryna finish this shit. For real holmes, this song is like his love song and it ain’t no Renegades b. Like this is that shit that white dude who writes love letters on his mac book to his secret crush and then deletes them with the quickness because he starts to feel awkward inside listens to when he’s alone. Like this shit is black rimmed glasses with no prescription rap. This is talking about how the dust pops in vinyl actually enhances the sound rap. This shit is eating sushi five times a week rap. This shit is gluten free rap straight up my nigguhs.
13. Into The Dark
Son the amount of Gucci Mane and Styles P albums ima have to listen to just to get back to normal from this shit is phenomenal b. i won’t even be able to listen to shit I like, just straight up ignorant retarded shit, like I’m be forced to listen to HOOD NIGGA by Gorilla Zoe 23 hours out of the day for the next two weeks just to keep myself in shape.
14. Opiates
Yo Slime, I ain’t gon lie. I may have popped a valium and a couple percocets while listening to this shit, but yo. YO, this is not the sound of opiates b. I dunno what kinda opiates this nigguh been puttin in his gullet, but this shit ain’t that opiate wave son. For example, I don’t fuck with dudes music, but this is more that opiate route:
15. October
I knew this was gonna be some more sad sounding shit, I just knew it. I’m glad dude can keep on topic tho, like I can actually understand what this nigguh is rappin bout tho. He ain’t on this retarded crazy futuristic nonsensical shit like a lot of white rappers where you just don’t know what the fuck they be talmbout at all. Like “the third eye of the belly of the beast shall beseech beyond my reach within the sentinel, the fluids of the druids machine will cleanse me before the bicentennial” NIGGUH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Nobody wants to hear that bullshit. Goddamn I can’t stand some hippity hoppin ass white dudes that rap like that, that’s some 10th level dungeon master pussy repellent right there. At least this nigguh hasn’t pulled out his big ol' white people words and just started rapping about star wars and shit that doesn’t make sense, he sticks to the point and can actually rap worth a fuck.
16. Bigger Than Life
Is it just The Jaw or does almost all of these songs sound kinda sad or like really fucking sad? White rappers are just naturally depressed or some shit I guess. This is a joint I’m not exactly fucking with, but I could see the hippity hoppin backpackers just wetting they beds over, like literally dying to jump on this nigguhs dick over this shit. It’s one of those joints where a nigguh like myself would listen to something like “how will I make it?” or “everyday struggle” to get the same vibe, but for a soft squishy white nigguh that thinks atmosphere did more for rap than mobb deep, I guess this will do.
Aight so there it is. I fucks with some of it and some of it I’m not trying to fuck with ever again, kinda like a Chinese buffet. Chinese Buffets got all sorts of good shit to choose from, you pick and choose what you want, but sometimes you end up with some disgusting ass shit on your plate you really wish you hadn’t, nah mean? That’s the risk you take when you out there trying to find music tho, just how it is b. For every nasty ass dim sum fetus dish you accidentally ingest, you get you some of that real ass general tsos chicken, or the most fire pepper steak you ever had. Now this shit here didn’t have no fire ass pepper steak offerings, but at the same time it didn’t have no raw dim sum fetus either. Shit was right in the middle, not the worst, but not the best Chinese buffet experience ever either, but I would definitely go back again. Make sense? It better my nigguh.
I knew this was gonna be some more sad sounding shit, I just knew it. I’m glad dude can keep on topic tho, like I can actually understand what this nigguh is rappin bout tho. He ain’t on this retarded crazy futuristic nonsensical shit like a lot of white rappers where you just don’t know what the fuck they be talmbout at all. Like “the third eye of the belly of the beast shall beseech beyond my reach within the sentinel, the fluids of the druids machine will cleanse me before the bicentennial” NIGGUH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Nobody wants to hear that bullshit. Goddamn I can’t stand some hippity hoppin ass white dudes that rap like that, that’s some 10th level dungeon master pussy repellent right there. At least this nigguh hasn’t pulled out his big ol' white people words and just started rapping about star wars and shit that doesn’t make sense, he sticks to the point and can actually rap worth a fuck.
16. Bigger Than Life
Is it just The Jaw or does almost all of these songs sound kinda sad or like really fucking sad? White rappers are just naturally depressed or some shit I guess. This is a joint I’m not exactly fucking with, but I could see the hippity hoppin backpackers just wetting they beds over, like literally dying to jump on this nigguhs dick over this shit. It’s one of those joints where a nigguh like myself would listen to something like “how will I make it?” or “everyday struggle” to get the same vibe, but for a soft squishy white nigguh that thinks atmosphere did more for rap than mobb deep, I guess this will do.
Aight so there it is. I fucks with some of it and some of it I’m not trying to fuck with ever again, kinda like a Chinese buffet. Chinese Buffets got all sorts of good shit to choose from, you pick and choose what you want, but sometimes you end up with some disgusting ass shit on your plate you really wish you hadn’t, nah mean? That’s the risk you take when you out there trying to find music tho, just how it is b. For every nasty ass dim sum fetus dish you accidentally ingest, you get you some of that real ass general tsos chicken, or the most fire pepper steak you ever had. Now this shit here didn’t have no fire ass pepper steak offerings, but at the same time it didn’t have no raw dim sum fetus either. Shit was right in the middle, not the worst, but not the best Chinese buffet experience ever either, but I would definitely go back again. Make sense? It better my nigguh.
No comments:
Post a Comment