Ayo what's good good? it's that nigguh Brickjaw aka Don Smack Diggums, that nigguh that tames lions with his mind, back again to share some thoughts and break bread wit ya'll. yo son, I try not to hate anything in
life, nah mean?There might be a whole
bunch of shit and stupid peanut headed ass nigguhs I got a strong distaste for,
but I don’t hate none of them.It ain’t
that serious b. For really real tho, you
can’t be keeping that hate in your heart or you just gon end up another sorry
ass nigguh like the rest of these sorry ass nigguhs out here, feel me slime? Shit jus ain't healthy to be feeling like that, but sometimes you just got some real fuckin lames around you that just don't get it. nigguhs that just can't get right and don't go with the program, they be tryin the shit outta you all day. sometimes they can't help it, it's just how they is and it ain't never gon change. see that's why i'm here today, to try and drop some tips, those god life essentials that some nigguhs be lackin that got their life game all fucked up. First off, lemme go on and get this out the way. i love my white folks, i love my white friends, but goddamn you pale nigguhs be gettin on my last nerve sometimes. for real b. like trying to go out to eat with my white friends is always a muthafuckin nightmare b, first the place gotta have a gluten free menu, then these cloud nigguhs start talmbout "well i had sushi for lunch, but i'm still craving it!", then you white folks wanna change up your order all crazy and shit, like they order a sandwich without 3/4 of what comes on it and add four or five more things to it and then substitute both of their sides and shit, nigguh just eat the goddamn hoagie! matter fact, i can't believe they actually let a nigguh eat somewhere that serves hoagies, muh'fuckin white folks always wanna take a nigguh to some gordon ramsay fuckin place that serves all kinda uppity snobby bullshit where you order the meat loaf and the shit comes out lookin like a college lesbian bitches conceptual art project b, then they got the nerve to charge you 45 muthafuckin bones for that shit. fuck outta here my nigguh, i ate that whole andy warhol lookin so called meat loaf dish and still had to hit up the wendy's drive thru on my way home to get full. shit was hardly even a child's serving slime. no shit my nigguh, i started packing peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and stashing them shits inside my avirex when i go out to eat with these snow nigguhs. it's that crucial b. anyway, i'm gon expand on a few more points about how white people are the wackest nigguhs on earth to go out and eat with.
1. White folks LOVE to overtip. i don't mean they love to tip, i mean white folks feel obligated to drop a mortgage payment on they server at P.F. Changs. it's insanity b. ya'll really got cake like that huh? damn nigguh, must be nice.
2. White folks, stop trying to speak spanish to the mexican waiter. trust me b, you ain't doin it right. Esteban thinks you sound silly as fuck, your accent ain't right and your enunciation is all fucked up my nigguh. Esteban has so much disdain for your pasty fajita eatin, margarita sippin ass it's comical. and you got the nerve to not even clean your plate when you know damn well that esse probably from Hounduras and not Mexico and had to make his way here through a hellish journey that took months and months, hoppin trains and shit, prolly had a few of his nigguhs get killed in the process, travellin' all through latin america, outrunning border patrol and having to crawl through sewage tunnels and shit just to make his way to the states and get a job at a mexican restaurant where he makes more in one week than he did in three months back in honduras and your fluorescent ass comes in with your perfect 10 blonde girlfriend in crocs and a notre dame t-shirt ordering tex mex plates and maragaritas and spoutin out some shit you heard in spanish II class, but with the confidence of one of them vato loco nigguhs from that movie blood in blood out and you can't even finish all your rice and beans? nigguh fuck you.
3. for some reason, when white folks eat with you in public, they think it's this special time where they need to name drop all black related musicians, writers, entertainers, activists that they've ever googled. alot of white folks think they have to talk about 90s hip hop and tyler perry movies and shit in order for nigguhs to approve of them. it's insulting as fuck b. on one hand it's like, yo chill lil buddy, i really don't give a fuck that you now every lyric to illmatic, but also on the other hand it's like, why do you know more about maya angelou than i do? nigguh i swear you googled her name and studied her wikipedia page before we went out to eat, like you expected me to stump you with maya angelou trivia or some shit or i would end our friendship if you didn't know who she was. listen up b, i don't just assume all white folks know every aspect about the life and times of martin scorcese so why the fuck do you think every nigguh alive is the head of the spike lee fan club? fuck out my face with that shit b.
aight ya'll, that's all i'm gon drop on you for now. like i said this is annoying as fuck, but you just gotta learn to live with it cuz there ain't much you can do bout it nah mean? I ain't one of these crazy nigguhs that just don't fuck with white folks at all, that's some ignorant ass shit b. They just not all the way there with it, they can't help it, but you do need to let these snowball nigguhs know when they fuckin up the churches money, feel me?
Ayo what it do peoples?What’s the math? What’s the word?It’s ya boy Brickjaw the muthafuckin’ Lion
Tamer, sometimes known as Guacamole Pockets or The Black Charles Bronson aka
the overseer of all things wavey aka Da Mayor of Slime City USA nah mean?It’s another beautiful muthafuckin’ day in
the hood my G.Now I’m just gon be real
witch ya’ll cuz I’m not here to drop my usual nuggets of knowledge, but to
review an album my nigguh Cas One just dropped, like this muhfucka is hot off the
presses.First off, I don’t really fucks
with this nigguhs music, matter of fact, this nigguh ain’t even a nigguh tho,
he a white boy, I been told his shit is on some super white guy hippity
hoppity shit, but The Jaw don’t hate.Good music is good music b.2nd,
just cuz this white nigguh is my nigguh don’t mean ima be biased and be ridin
this white nigguhs dick and give his shit 16 out of 10 or some lame shit like
that, I ain’t Pitchfork b, fuck outta here.The Jaw promises to keep this shit one hunnid through and through, feel
me slime?Aight now that I don got that
shit out the way let’s get into this muthafuckin album, CAS ONE-Monster and The
Wishing Well (that’s some real wiggity whiteboy shit right there son, but I’ma
be fair)
1. Long Walk
Aight this shit is already starting off with some somber acoustic shit that
ain’t feeding my wavy meter, but I’m like 3 seconds into the joint so ima be
patient.For real tho slime, this is
some Goo Goo Dolls unplugged shit coming through my speakers right now.Ok, dude got that generic whiteboy rapper
voice, all them nigguhs that don’t be doing that silly eminem accent bullshit
sound just like this, like they got a cold and mad boogers caked up in both
they nostrils and sound just like the captain on the airplane over the intercom
and shit right before take off when they tell you to turn yo cellphone off and
buckle up your seat belt, that’s what all white rappers sound like.Shit ain’t bad or nothing, it’s just foreign
to me.It’s like a nigguh coming up to
me in the middle of the day and saying “The speed limit in the capital of
Poland is 25 mph”Thankyou my nigguh, but I have no idea what
to do with that information, well this song is a lot like that
2. The Get Down
Aight i’m coming to terms now with the fact that there ain’t gon be no Jadakiss
or Vado features on this muthafucka, the first five seconds of this song
cemented that fact into my muthafuckin’ brain b. Like Rick Ross ain’t about to jack this
instrumental for a freestyle for his next mixtape nah mean? Iss okay tho, The
Jaw can still find some enjoyment in this shit.Damn son, the track already over?Aight well that was short, but on to the next one.
3. Chasing Greatness
Once again this shit ain’t really my lane, but this joint do got some slap to
it.Homie Cas One doing his thing, he
got a good flow over the beat and shit, I’m feeling this joint.That chubby nigguh Wick-it, my other nigguh
who ain’t really a nigguh tho cuz he white, but still a nigguh cuz he my nigguh
is featured on this track and hes holding this bitch down to, scratchin his
chubby muthafuckin ass off b.Wait,
what? This muthafucka is already over too?Damn son, what’s with these short ass songs?
4. Never Runner
Aight son, we just hit our first wiggity whiteboy joint. Like this shit is the polar opposite of a
Gucci Mane track, it don’t get no further from trap shit than this.For real b, this song is the antichrist of
ignorant nigguh music.If you tried to
sell drugs to this your packs would magically turn into a pair of beats by dre,
a mac book, and a cup of coffee from your local coffee shop on songwriters
night b….no joke.This is the soundtrack
to white couples breaking up and then blogging about the shit.
5. Cold Spell
Aye Slime, this is some like “I’m gonna rise above the adversity and persevere”
shit.In nigguh music we call it “the
struggle track”Homie did go the eminem
route and used the somber piano as the main basis of the melody, but it’s all
good cuz this joint is actually pretty dope.I’m feeling this chorus too slime, I’m mean it’s still white as fuck,
like get together with your whole family on Christmas and watch Miracle on 34th
St. wearing some ugly ass sweaters your grandmother knitted for you in the
retirement home you dumped her crusty senile ass in, but you gonna wear the
ugly sweater anyway to show you care and shit and even if you were just gonna
throw it in the garbage cuz your uppity ass mother-in-law is making you wear it
because you gotta take the photo for the Christmas card in an hour (yeah,
nigguhs don’t do that). 6. Vultures
Ayo son, this beat is kinda bumpin tho.I still think I got eyedea rapping to me with influenza over an
intercom, but damn son, not only is he ridin this beat like a beast, but this
beat is fuckin hard slime. The 2nd
nigguh rapping on this joint definitely got busy.So far, I could listen to this shit a few
times more, this definitely got some head nod appeal, ya heard?
7. Rabbit Named Wolf
I guess this is sons inspirational track and shit, like he talmbout self
confidence a lot and being all you can be and shit.White folks love that and need shit like that
all the time.They got their anxiety
disorders and shit and being all frail and what not, whatever whatever.The Jaw don’t know nothing bout all that, but
it’s good to have positive dudes like this out there making feel good white
dude music for the rail thin malnourished looking hipster dudes that wear
scarfs in the summertime and shit.Black
folks got Chuck D, white folks got Cas One.
8. Out of The Light
Yo son this is some straight up weirdo sounding shit.Like this is what they play in the Apple
factory while the robot workers are assembling macbooks for the fluorescent
masses.Seriously b, you nigguhs
remember that movie TOYS with Robin Williams and LL Cool J, you could play this
song on loop through the whole 90 minutes of that movie and it would fit perfectly.Imagine the two nigguhs from Daft Punk
building a computer, what would the music to that sound like?This song my nigguh.
TOYS my nigguh, you remember it.
9. I Am What I Am
Yo I can see white bitches doing tons of drugs to this shit and acting all
retarded slime.How is this shit not on
the radio b?I didn’t say I was gonna
roll thru the hood in my whip with the windows down blasting this shit, I’m
just sayin I could see a ton of stupid dumbass blonde bitches with this shit on
their playlist doing bag after bag of stepped on blow driving around in their
prius, shopping for sundresses and Eskimo boots, and gentrifying the shit out
of a used to be poor neighborhood.For
real b, this song could be huge.
10. Strutbounce
Confession time folks, I actually skipped this song cuz I been drinking on a
pint of Jose Cuervo while peeping this album out and decided to listen to this
instead:
11. Empty Nest
Yo after listening to that Vado track, this shit feels like I just hit a
muthafuckin DUI stop, I mean the shit ain’t garbage or nothing, but fam, it’s
so far from that wave I’m trying to be on right now it’s not
even funny.I don’t have shit to say
about it.
12. Reasons Fuck….nigguh, that fix of Vado was like the worst shit I coulda done while
tryna finish this shit.For real holmes,
this song is like his love song and it ain’t no Renegades b.Like this is that shit that white dude who
writes love letters on his mac book to his secret crush and then deletes them
with the quickness because he starts to feel awkward inside listens to when he’s
alone.Like this shit is black rimmed
glasses with no prescription rap.This is
talking about how the dust pops in vinyl actually enhances the sound rap.This shit is eating sushi five times a week
rap.This shit is gluten free rap
straight up my nigguhs. 13. Into The Dark Son the amount of Gucci Mane and Styles P albums ima have to listen to just to
get back to normal from this shit is phenomenal b.i won’t even be able to listen to shit I like,
just straight up ignorant retarded shit, like I’m be forced to listen to HOOD
NIGGA by Gorilla Zoe 23 hours out of the day for the next two weeks just to
keep myself in shape.
14. Opiates Yo Slime, I ain’t gon lie.I may have
popped a valium and a couple percocets while listening to this shit, but
yo.YO, this is not the sound of opiates
b.I dunno what kinda opiates this
nigguh been puttin in his gullet, but this shit ain’t that opiate wave son.For example, I don’t fuck with dudes music,
but this is more that opiate route:
15. October I knew this was gonna be some more sad sounding shit, I just knew it.I’m glad dude can keep on topic tho, like I can
actually understand what this nigguh is rappin bout tho.He ain’t on this retarded crazy futuristic
nonsensical shit like a lot of white rappers where you just don’t know what the
fuck they be talmbout at all.Like “the
third eye of the belly of the beast shall beseech beyond my reach within the
sentinel, the fluids of the druids machine will cleanse me before the
bicentennial”NIGGUH SHUT THE FUCK
UP!!!Nobody wants to hear that
bullshit.Goddamn I can’t stand some
hippity hoppin ass white dudes that rap like that, that’s some 10th level
dungeon master pussy repellent right there.At least this nigguh hasn’t pulled out his big ol' white people words
and just started rapping about star wars and shit that doesn’t make sense, he
sticks to the point and can actually rap worth a fuck. 16. Bigger Than Life Is it just The Jaw or does almost all of these songs sound kinda sad or like
really fucking sad?White rappers are
just naturally depressed or some shit I guess.This is a joint I’m not exactly fucking with, but I could see the
hippity hoppin backpackers just wetting they beds over, like literally dying to
jump on this nigguhs dick over this shit. It’s
one of those joints where a nigguh like myself would listen to something like “how
will I make it?” or “everyday struggle” to get the same vibe, but for a soft
squishy white nigguh that thinks atmosphere did more for rap than mobb deep, I guess
this will do. Aight so there it is.I fucks with some
of it and some of it I’m not trying to fuck with ever again, kinda like a Chinese
buffet.Chinese Buffets got all sorts of
good shit to choose from, you pick and choose what you want, but sometimes you
end up with some disgusting ass shit on your plate you really wish you hadn’t,
nah mean?That’s the risk you take when
you out there trying to find music tho, just how it is b.For every nasty ass dim sum fetus dish you
accidentally ingest, you get you some of that real ass general tsos chicken, or
the most fire pepper steak you ever had.Now this shit here didn’t have no fire ass pepper steak offerings, but
at the same time it didn’t have no raw dim sum fetus either.Shit was right in the middle, not the worst,
but not the best Chinese buffet experience ever either, but I would definitely go back
again.Make sense?It better my nigguh.
Ayo wus really good family? the international
tamer of lions, that nigguh whose wallet stays on permanent cheesecake
status is back in your immediate vicinity, nah mean? Back from the dead
by popular demand, ya feel me slime? Yeah yeah yeah, I ain't done no updates in two years or so, but a nigguh got a life to
deal with you know? shit don't always go according to plan even if you
got a pinky ring as big as mine that just shines so much it just makes
nigguhs melt, the sun reflects the ice off my finger and literally makes
nigguhs start melting and exploding like the end of Raiders of the Lost
Ark and shit, word is bond b. Back to the issue at hand tho, every now
and then I gotta give some soft sideways talkin' lil bitch nigguh that
work (I see you LUX) on the message boards or on this hurr facebook, but
that's all the jewels I been able to give ya'll IF you been lucky
enough to catch 'em. I promise that is gon' change today dun dun, I'm
back, and I swear these nigguhs is gon get that WORK, that polish
immigrant sweatin' illz on the docks WORK, that django unchained,
whipped up back, feet look like they been crawling up hot rocks and shit
picking cotton all muthafuckin' day in the hot sun WORK, lord these
nigguhs ain't ready for the WORK Imma bout to give 'em. So sit tight homie, new shit is on the horizon.
